I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've blown a few things in my day
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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