I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
