if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
