the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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