Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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