All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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