we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
