so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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