Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
