When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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