Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We got so high we made milksteak
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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