oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
