Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
