remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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