Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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