There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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