i barfeds in our rink
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
