And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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