you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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