a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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