Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
