Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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