The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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