If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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