Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
