This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
