I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
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