I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
