Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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