I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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