So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
