So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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