It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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