If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Two words: blizzard sex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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