I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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