She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
