Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
