Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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