If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
