It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
