i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
