garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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