RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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