I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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