I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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