I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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