I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
