Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
