when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
