i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
