Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
do herpes really smell.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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