i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
