Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
this beer tastes like vomit already
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
