Where is the hickey?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
