If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I love having hate sex.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
