Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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