my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
