The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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