You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
