her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I love you. Go after that dick
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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