I'm really into asian looking animals
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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