You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
