My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
