The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
