Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
