you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
