Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Randomize
