i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
