I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
