I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize